Friends vs. Texas Friends

Thanks to Melissa Cooksey for sending this to me, you are very missed here in Texas and you are definitely a Texas friend in all the ways listed below. The author is unknown, but if I find out who it is, I will post it promptly. Please share your comments below...that way we know what kind of friend you are.

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, playing dominoes or cards and just being together.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'.

FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick
TEXAS FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your house then come spend the night with you in the hospital and cook for you when you come home.

FRIENDS: have you on speed dial
TEXAS FRIENDS: have your number memorized.

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Are for life.

Middle School Slime

Middle school or Jr. High as it were is brutal. These can be the suckiest years of one’s life. It's not enough that we are living in hormonic hell, but we have some real challenges with a few of those leading the way. Teacher is the title, but what are they teaching? I want to clarify right here that there are Saints in the system. Then there are those (teachers) who I want to ask, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

I read a post this past weekend by Chris Garret called Just Like Breathing. The challenge is for us discover what is so natural for us that it is like breathing. Unless you suffer from severe chronic asthma or emphysema this is a simple proposition but requires deep and purposeful thought in order to provoke an answer. This is not suggesting one take the path of least resistance but rather discover what moves oneself in a way that they don't even know that they are working, and working diligently at it?

Tonight I attended my son's middle school athletic (I use that word loosely) awards banquet and I couldn't believe my ears! Yes, there were athletes in the room. There were many and many hopefuls as well as could-be's. But the coaches stole the show! The worst part is that so many of the parents were admittedly shocked and buzzing about it afterwards but no one wanted to address it on the next level. One parent even said, "this is how it was two years ago, that is just how they are, pathetic and sad, " and his son won an award! The sad part is that our tender and vulnerable young teens are exposed to some real...crappy leadership!

Football, track, cross country, basketball, volleyball and tennis. These are the schools offered sports and some of these kids are doing good to just be in the program at any level. However those fortunate enough to earn the recognition and honor of an award might just get it served with a backhanded compliment. Case in point: the MVP for the basketball team...a huge honor usually bestowed upon the cream of the crop that sport season was exposed as being lazy. LAZY? And this is the MVP...how does that happen? Then the coach basically wrapped some kind words in there (but I can’t remember because I was so stumped) and said he hoped he would see better the next year. Geeze, am I missing something?

This went on and on from one to the next, it was just awful. Long and awful for all the wrong reasons. Then in the end, the top award was given to the queen and king (for lack of a better word to disguise the actual title) of all things athletic. Insults came out like sugar coated arsenic. The female recipient was praised for being so good that she could have received the MVP in all the programs in which she participated...which was all of them. Uh, so what about the girls you just awarded, the ones holding the plaques, certificates and medals...the actual MVP's? Does that make them Silver MVP's and did you have to take any of their thunder? Could you not have just said how fantabulous this little girl was across the board that she earned herself the Platinum MVP? Was it really necessary to overshadow all the other girls who had just sat down with their prized honors that way? Call me stupid, but it was weird.

Finally, the boy who won the "king" of all sports was praised by each coach and teacher on stage. No doubt he deserves all the accolades and everyone knows he is the 'one', but the little girl who was his counterpart in winning just stood there as the clock ran over while each coach/teacher had to say their piece on this amazing child with a 'pedigree' as they called it. Okay, great... but she is standing there and whatever they said about her was soon forgotten because the teachers disproportionately honored him. He deserves it I agree, I wouldn't even suggest that they even it up, but close the gap a little because it was too obvious and ultimately uncomfortable for many as I bet it was for the boy. If he is as bright as they say, he had to be embarrassed...after all he is one of those hormonic teenage boys.

No wonder Middle School or Jr. High as it were can be so sucky. The good news is these kids will be out of middle school in one year but those teachers will remain (most of them anyway) in a perpetual state of something or another. I wonder if they do what they do because it's as natural to them as breathing. It's hard to tell.



Special praise: There was one coach/teacher that it was obvious she was in her calling as a leader to these kids. She was flawless in her adoration and respect. Her ability to articulate to the masses was spot on and she never once handed down a negative comment on one student. This is as natural to her as breathing....no doubt about it, and it didn't go unnoticed.

Handbook to Good Living 2009

I received this from my dear sister in law in an email (that is how we use to do it in the olden days) and had to share it, with a spin. I do not know the author and wish I did because I added my thoughts in red, because this is my blog (and I can if I want to) besides it's how I see it. All in fun and I hope you enjoy. Cheers!


HANDBOOK 2009

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water. (exactly how much is plenty, I don't know, but it's more than a little)
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar...can I be the Queen instead?
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants...and certainly don't eat manufactured plants, it's totally illegal.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy... or take Abilify if that is not possible
5. Make time to pray...and then really pray in that time...but not that your enemy would be struck down...no matter how tempting.
6. Play more games...however, be cautious of online gambling.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008. This should be a no brainer...no pun intended
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day...sitting at lights does not count.
9. Sleep for 7 hours...nightly
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile...it's good exercise for your face


Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about...and you probably wouldn't want it anyway.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment...but should the moment not be positive...think on happy things to get there, like winning the lottery or winning the lottery!
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits...this could be tough if you follow "the sky is the limit" philosophy. Just say no...it's more fun.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does...seriously!
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip...unless it's really juicy.
16. Dream more while you are awake...this can be dangerous, go back to #9 if necessary.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. But is it okay to dream about it if you are awake?
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your loved ones with his/her mistakes of the past, that will ruin your present happiness. Forget? You mean denial...that is some good $#@*!
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. Just spread nasty rumors, it's fun and you will feel much better.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present...But if it's already stinkin' then it's all your fault (see #20) and you should Refer to #18
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you...and so it's all your fault otherwise!
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn
will last a lifetime...uh, I failed Algebra...twice...at least I think it was Algebra.
23. Smile and laugh more...but not where you make others feel uncomfortable, right?
24. You don't have to win every argument. (yes Ido) Agree to disagree, and you may even disagree with yourself to really save face.

Society:
25. Call your family often. But don't call them names!
26. Each day give something good to others...by all means if you are going to 'give' make it real good!
27. Forgive everyone for everything...but don't condone the bad stuff!
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6...volunteer at a preschool and assisted living home as this will definitely make you successful at #'s 4-26, but beware of #13
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day...start with yourself and then you're down to just two.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business...and they are in direct violation of #11 and 15!
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. At least get a Face Book page...really.

Life:
32.. Do the right thing! You will look better when you see your reflection.
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful...except your spouse, they might be on one of those "journey's", see #11
34. GOD heals everything...eventually
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change...eventually.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up...on time preferably.
37. The best is yet to come. Says who?
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it...then think of two other things you are thankful for, take an antidepressant and a good day is sure to follow, I think.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy...damn it!

The Seven Easiest Lies

This is not to incriminate anyone, particularly me. However, I am guilty of each and every one of these to some degree or another. The point of this is to consider a little self examination (she said to herself) and notice when you do use these lies. Ask yourself why you are feeling the need to lie, and see if a small change is in order. There could be a whole new world beyond the easiest lies we hide behind.

I don’t care: Do you really NOT care? Although part of that may be true, the deeper meaning behind such a claim is “I don’t want to care because if I do then I have to feel something and that is something I don’t want to do!” On second thought, maybe one really doesn't care (I think I have honestly not cared) because I do not wish to spend energy on something that I do not value.

I don’t have time: Any time? There are 24 hours in a day and I don’t think we actually use every last minute as wisely as we could. An example of this poor time management would be me right now for example; trying to write a list post while waiting for the movers to bring furniture to my house. I could be working on the important set list for Friday’s show or practicing the songs I am weak on etc. The point is that I don’t have time to do the things that I don’t understand or that would require a learning curve OR I have boundary issues and have overbooked myself and need to take a time management course before I take on anything new and exciting…but I don’t have time for that either.

Sorry I'm late, again: Now this is something everyone has personally been guilty of and/or been the recipient of another’s lateness. Being late on occasion is not an issue. Being chronically late to the same place or to see the same people is a HUGE problem. If you were truly sorry, you would be on time more frequently than not. Chronic lateness is a passive aggressive and says to the one you are meeting, “I'm too busy to consider you and frankly I don’t have time to care, it’s bothersome”. If that is your M.O.. then I bet you don’t have a lot of friends. However, if there is something particularly spectacular about your existence some people will put up with it.

Admission: I do have one friend in particular who is late 100% of the time, but she is a remarkable woman and I just know to plan accordingly and we then laugh about it.

I’m good, thanks! : In reply to “hey, how are you? Good to see you!” Clearly we can’t and should not go around telling the nice people on this planet that our life sucks at this particular time, but “have a nice day anyway”. The truth is, they probably don’t care (that much) and/or don’t have time to hear about it. These are not the same as issue #1 and #2…they are the unspoken version and are authentic in their sentiment. So what do you do when you’re having a crappy day and the nice people are, well…being nice? You could just stay away and sulk and spare everyone or try saying the same thing, “I’m great!!” and think to yourself thank God for NICE people! If you are really feeling “Zennish and Fung shui-ful” you could just start thinking about things that are good and nice…and poof…your sucky day will lose its nasty edge and your lying A$$ will self correct, lucky you. This is tried and true, I did it yesterday.


Oh, I just love it (female) or This is great! (Male): I'm not suggesting that this is always a lie, but isn’t it frequently used when we feel exactly the opposite? I'm going to use clothing as my example (clearly I could list out 10 Things We Say We Love When We Don’t, but that is another post for another day) citing my favorite reality show What Not To Wear. This is where two stylist, Stacy and Clinton, bust in on an unsuspecting person (set up by friends and family) and announce the friend is a despicable mess of a fashion statement. Then Stacy and Clinton offer the "skagg" ( for the lack of a better word- no offense) $5000.00 to turn themselves and their wardrobe over to them and their expertise. The fashion failures do not value making a good impression. Next the now totally humiliated victim accepts the offer, because it is far better to look takey than stupid on national television. Besides, who wouldn't want to go shopping in New York? Once there, the Fashionista's Clinton and Stacy teach the poor wretched sould how to shop for their lifestyle and body type and to be a slick and savvy version of themselves. During the episode they all go through the current wardrobe of the now irritated apprentice (mostly because they have to see themselves in a 360 degree mirror...in bad clothing) while Stacy and Clinton verbally shred every piece, this is somewhat painful for the slob and a bit funny to the rest of us. Almost every person going through the makeover blames friends, family, grandma or the beloved departed pets for some of their clothing choices because they were gifts, hand-me-downs or somehow sentimental. No one wants to be held totally accountable for acquiring such despicable clothing, but we are responsible for keeping them. The people that give you the items might even be‘re-gifting’ you something they received and hated. I swear this happened to me. So what do we do? What do we say? Do we tell them we hate it? NO! Instead of lying…just say “Oh, thank you for your generosity and thinking of me you are such a good friend” (okay guys…so say something else…but you get the point), and move on quickly. Make your accolades more about the person than the gift. Everyone loves to be doted on so they won’t notice. If they do and are brave enough to point it out, then use caution when promising to try it on, out or whatever. (That was a long explanation...now wake up!)

I was, I went, I am, I use to ______ (insert something totally unbelievable): This is one comes in 31 flavors but the point is that people will claim they were, did or went somewhere in which they did not. Resumes are loaded with them and this could be a sign of a very serious character flaw, more about that another time. What is worse than the lie is when you accidentally find out that they were lying... so awkward! Something even more conniving is the embellishment on what it is they do. A title like ‘Producer’, ‘Entrepreneur’ or ‘Consultant’ can seem impressive at first glance, but what is the point? A fancy title and a quarter wont even buy me a cup of coffee. Oh my! The list is long and I have met many. I cannot get off on a tangent here because it takes just too much energy and I really don’t have time. All I have to say is IF YOU DO THIS, STOP IT!

I forgot: Guilty. What can I say…GUILTY! The reason I call this a lie is because we didn’t really forget, we simply did not make the task at hand a priority and failed to think about the consequences or it’s effect on others. Forgetting is the consequence and rudeness is the problem. Some things left forgotten are not deal breakers because…well they just aren’t. A personal example is when I forgot to show up for a coffee with a friend because I was too lazy to check my calendar that morning. She forgave me, but had rearranged her morning with another so we could meet. I'm certain her original appointment had to adjust her day and she was probably my OBGYN and that is why she was late to my appointment. It always comes back at ‘ya- tenfold. By admitting the truth it actually made me feel respectable in a strange way. I’m human and I can learn from my mistakes and I am not afraid to own them. Ultimately she rescheduled, and admitted she too was guilty of the same lame behavior. We got off on an entire discussion about the fact that we were not looking at our high-tech phone/PDA gizmo’s that alerts us with bells, pings, rings and things when we have an appointment to be somewhere…why IS that so difficult? Just say, " Please forgive my rudeness in being late, I'm sorry to be so inconsiderate". Now this will most likely get you a free cup of coffee!

Disclaimer: I reserve the right to disagree with myself before, during and after my post.

Chocolate Makes My Clothes Shrink

I love chocolate and most likely you do too. Recently I conducted a non-scientific experiment and have concluded that in fact the use of chocolate does have direct impact on the fabric weave of clothing. It will cause them to shrink faster than scorching hot water and your hottest dryer setting. I would like to petition the Surgeon General to institute a warning on the addictive properties of chocolate and the implications it has on such textiles. In these economic times it is absolutely unacceptable that these two entities would work in cahoots with one another and prosper of such reckless business practices. One cannot even afford to replace a Wal-mart wardrobe much less one of likes of Paris Hilton's dog. There was a substudy conducted along side the addicting chocolate/ shrinking cloth hypothosis which involved the Spandex industry and those results came back inconclusive at this time. Expect a petition.

Next Study:
Advocare is no match for Girl Scout Cookies.

Marks Weapons of Mass Destruction...hmmmm

I am always developing new weapons of mass distraction. This is what bored people do best.

Here's one I invented to mess with criminal minds. It works anytime, not just at Christmas.

Neatly wrap up some small boxes with nice paper and ribbon. Leave them in your car with the windows down, doors unlocked. Wide open.

Inside each is the following note. "You now have the curse upon you. I stole these things you now have last year. A curse was put upon me, and since then I have had the worst bad luck ever. The only way to get rid of the curse is to have someone steal these same boxes from you, including this note. Otherwise, very bad things will start happening to you everyday for the rest of your life. You cannot give it away, they must be stolen when you are not looking. Thank you for removing the curse from me."

Stupid criminals buy into this 100%. They try psychics, witchdoctors, anything else but getting ripped off. Their simple minds can't comprehend what's happening. And they will see "Bad Luck" in just about anything that happens to them. (Chronic pessimists do this all the time) It forces them to become the victim.

More thoughts to come...

Mark Davis

Are you a Simpleton?

This is my personal blog dedicated to someone I think is very funny without trying. But he's real gift is photography and he has made a living at it for 30 years now and I am a huge fan of his work. Each week he sends out an email with the Picture of the Week (POTW) with a bit of verbiage to go along. Well, I just cant stand it and decided to put him in my special blog for all my friends to see and share. His artwork can be viewed at www.markdavisstudios.com if you are the curious type. I will also post his POTW, but hopefully one day he will start his own blog.

I try to see life in the simplest of terms- perhaps this philosophy makes me a simpleton. You be the judge.

Airlines
The airlines are now going to charge $15 to lose your first piece of luggage, $25 to lose each additional piece. Hey, flyboy, three letters about that- U.P.S.! Now my luggage has a BETTER chance of arriving on time, in the right place, than I do. And it can be tracked.

Electricity
The Electric utilities want us to conserve energy, so the utilize the Wal-Mart pricing theory. Use less=pay more. Use more=pay less. Advertisers are constantly reminding us that the more we buy, the more we save. Bottom line- the more you buy, the more you spend. Period. There's no way around it.

Interest Free
No interest for one year. I believe it. I was only in there 30 minutes, and nobody showed any interest in helping me at all. Maybe I should have been patient and waited 13 months.

Top three advertising budgets in the world
1. Drugs (Pharmaceuticals) actually, the disclaimers about what they said isn't what they meant.

2. Alcoholic beverages, and they're restricted as to TV, radio, and magazine ads. So where is all the money going? Ask one of the Coors Light girls.

3. Automobiles, So, pop a pill, have a drink, and lets pile in the car and go for a drive. Nervous?

4. Tobacco products (also restricted)
5. Rounding out the top five- Personal injury lawyers. Duh!

This week's image is empty Martini glasses. Now THAT'S a sin!

Mark's 'Going Green' test-
Do you have a clothesline? You'll need 2.
One in the sun, one in the shade. Only use a dryer
in bad weather or when large flocks of birds arrive